Little Things

The other day, Lyn, Anthony, and I were walking back to the office after having lunch together for the first time in a long while. We were having so much fun, just enjoying each others’ company when Lyn, who had her arms around Anthony’s on one side and mine on the other, blurted, “I’m so happy. I’m with my two best…”

I found it at once funny and amazing that the exact same thing was on my mind. I was with my two best… ! Only a few days before, I had the three of us photographed together, our first, after all this time that we shared this friendship – and after all this time that Lyn has a camera in her bag wherever she went!

Later that day, while we were at some of the places we used to hang out in with our friends every  Friday, Lyn and I found ourselves reminiscing memories we shared with our friends. Not a few times that night, we asked ourselves, “Whatever happened to those Friday nights?”

Lyn and I not only share the same friends, we also share the same passion for friendship. It was she who cried when I moved to another job, practically ignoring my promise that I won’t be gone, I was simply moving to another job. It was she who once told me off, “Ba’t ka mahihiya sa akin?” when I was asking her an incredibly big favor. I realized just now that she was the only one who ever told me that.

Incidentally, or perhaps consequently, we also hate the same people. Tee hee hee…

Lyn and I have a pact. I treasure that pact because I don’t remember having made that kind of pact with anyone my whole life.

It’s Lyn’s birthday today. And Lou’s too, of course. So happy birthday, you two.

Angela, in one of her tinkerbell moments (which is 80 percent of the time) asked, “Do you think life is fair?” as if it was the most natural question to pop on an ordinary day at the office. I shrugged off the question at the time, because of the absurdity of the circumstances in which it was asked.

But it’s a perfectly sensible question, if it was asked in the right situation and in a manner other than goofy, one that we don’t ask ourselves everyday, but one of those that we should when we examine ourselves and our existence.

Of course, life is not fair. If it were, I wouldn’t be wishing you’d turn my way even for a fleeting moment to see in my eyes just what I have for you. If it were, I wouldn’t have to wonder why I just can’t love. Indeed, if it were, it wouldn’t seem to other people, and especially you, that the idea of me loving is a sickening farce.

Anthony always tells me I have no wings, I can’t fly. But I realize, even if I did, I’ll never be able to fly to you. You’re farther away than I ever imagined.

I’ll never understand you. I’ll never understand the world. I’ll never understand life.